Stand Strong!!!

Whoa this blog is molding haha because no one bothers to touch it for awhile now. I'm busy with continuous activities happening. Siew Han with her heap up studies assignments and final exams... Jia you!!! Others I have no idea since we didn't contact each other. Hmm... ok Ms.Cheng uni line just sucks up don't let her load the blog maybe the blog hates her or what haha. Yo other guys, May San busy working so much? Ah Fen can't online as much as us for she haven't buy herself a laptop. Finally our founder of this blog, Ms.Moo yo are u too busy or u have nothing to post? Whatever~

First of all, I'm really thankful and feel full of gratitudes towards those who always support and giving me advises or just talking is enough for me that helping me building analysis and confidence which lead me to my final decision in my study choices. *Heave a relief sigh* Finally finally!!! I always ask myself why think so much? why can't I decide what course I want? why be afraid to face upcoming challenges? why not just be bold and receive everything that might encounter in the future with positive attitude? why worry about things that I don't know? why not live in the present and live in the future when what I do today will reveal the me of tomorrow? why not try my very best now so I won't looking back with regrets when I reminisce the past in my future? I'm so ashame of myself when I think about my past when I failed to achieve the top results because of my own laziness and cowardness to try the best as I can... there're parts of it that I'm glad it occured while there're parts of it that I regret so much because they're what makes myself today. During the progress I throw away negative thoughts like inferiority one by one. I ever wondered, if I didn't fall out of studies and continue to maintain my efforts which brought me the position top 2 among all other students, will I hesitate here now? will I be hanging around in Form 6 and meet a group of good friends? will I join the church and learn new warm friends and seniors? will I learn Korean? will I learn English and meet a very cute lovely junior and teacher? will I get scholarship and study science and not preferring art in top university? will I now graduate already earlier than my other friends? will I love DBSK? will I further studies in Japan now if I'm brave to take the foreign interview last time during the end of Form 5? So I think sometimes fate really happens while other times no. There're lots of things or habits passed by like a phase such as comics, animes, role-playing games, online chatting with oversea strangers, etc etc. Last time I just addicted so much to all these hobbies that I ignored my studies and now it all almost stopped already although they still remain but not as much as last time. As time goes on, I met new people and discover other new entertainments. Haha I really envy those who boldly follow their own heart to pursue their favourite dream and face everything with a happy mood. I hope I can be brave to begin my 1st step to walk on my chosen path. "Always look on the bright side. Life is too short to regret."

Ok sometimes there're really many unpredicted things happen or it's going out of control. Last time I always judge certain people thinking "Aish isn't she so irrational because she can't do something balancely?" Afterwards I rather believe outsider gossip and misunderstood the said person's real thoughts and think it's the certain factor that bring bad influence. Then I just let it go and didn't ask the person. Later I get to know that I have no rights to judge others because I realize the said person knows clearly what they're doing and they're happy with it... just that they make people think otherwise all because of their failure in their own management. But now I understand it when the same situation occurs to me. Hmm something fishy here... does this occur to me to let me realize others' situation? 1st Sept was suppose my intake date but I really couldn't make up my mind to study which course, to study in which university or college. I'm a really laid back person, when I can't ensure my 1st step, I won't have the heart and mind to work hard for the next step. How could I do it when my heart trembling unsettled and under the condition of rushing? And some gave me advise "Calm down and don't rush since it been dragged so long already why not take the very remaining last time to think carefully so I don't regret over my decision, waste no time and money" while my mom and sis critic me "Mind got problem so long already but still couldn't make up my mind. Time is gold and it doesn't wait for people just flies away." Both also have own logics. Me also so scared and worried alot since wah all my friends almost graduate but I'm still here not moving a bit still at the same place didn't grow at all. I can't face my friends and relatives and answer them when they always chased after me asking "where u study? Yo u still here?". I can't even answer myself how could I reply them so I tend to runaway. Well money seems not to be a problem for my mom since it's my father who support my studies but I myself don't like "risk my money" although it's my father's hard earned money and maybe he rather spends on his mistress or what I don't care at all, maybe I'm too naive. TT_TT I seek advices from many people, always double check and keep thinking what I want but I myself also seems not understand myself. I can't help it because I'm not like others, I have no choice to enter public uni due to my results not enough and my financial status allow me to choose whatever course I desire so I'm such a lucky person given a chance to choose while some who's out there who have their own dream career but can't reach it because of financial problem. Unfortunately I'm such an idiot have a clouded mind and greedy. When I once made up my mind to study psycology, I borrowed book from other and try to study it, visited the higher education institutes and then I changed my mind again because of boredom and the very not nice environment that the university have to offer me made me have 2nd thoughts. As a results, I get confused again and considered that other choices might be better. Haha see if other people must think "aish can study still not satisfied with and that". >_< I think since I pay lots of money to study, isn't I must take the one I like? *sigh*

Anyway my point is now I finally decided I will take English in KL although I'm still thinking about studying Multimedia but I only decided it after the intake date so I think why am I rushing myself, if I couldn't make it for 1st Sept I will just take next year since it just few more months to go. I could only made up my mind because this week I'm free from pressure, have time to finally calm down and think deeply. I made up my mind after 1st Sept passed, I will try to go interview for kindergarten and gain some teacher experience though I might not get the job while helping church maybe to translate because these few months are really crucial moments and lots of activities and I'm one of the few who studied English while most other members had Chinese studies and settle some church things. Now in this week, I have finally finished my lessons. Nah then my mom suddenly rush me again enter next week since the intake just began. I also thought ahh 4 months can learn a lot of things and I'm now readied already but my heart also want to help church in these remaining times and learning stuffs. It's not that I don't want to study but it just the matter of starting now or next year. If I go now, will I regret over my decision of leaving and feel guilty? If I settle and complete my tasks in these few months, then I can concentrate on my studies following years. Haha of course u may think now ahh "Siew Gee is so irrational because academic is more important and I should not delay, the church is a bad influence." So I guessed my mom will have this mind setting and I hesitated to tell her. But I have no choice because I don't want to add up her burden of worries anymore so I have to tell her the reason. In the end, whatever she talked just lead to one decision "U're wrong because the church delay your studies." Now the time just coincidentally crash with my intake date. I thought "If my results is good and I have already started my studies earlier, will she or u guys think the church mislead me? U won't right?" Because of this unexpected crashing, u and she mistook it as a bad thing but the main reason is my own failure in managing my decision and time, nothing to do with church. And so coincidently the year ends just nearing. Hmm maybe u disgree with me. All in all, what I want to convey is sometimes the things u witness physically might not be the truth because at times, there're many hidden factors that make up something u see or hear now. *Sigh* What am I gonna do? Siew Han, your new semester begins in October, then November, December and January so u must think the three months will be the period till your ending sem, learn lots of things isn't it? *sigh* One sem one sem one sem...

Stand strong on my own mind and be confident of my choice? I don't want to get influenced by other people and situations but sometimes like mother's opposition, it so hard to get away from it although the last decision is on my own hands. >_< I hope I can stand strong!!!! Yahhhh!!!!